I only eat food that’s as recklessly unhealthy as possible. I want my body to be uninhabitable. When I die, decomposers will think I’m a terminator, and the Catholic church will think I’m a saint.
When I see ants in my shower, I wash away all but one, so that it can go add a story about me to their tiny ant Bible.
The anus is the most appealing part of a horse. Billions of flies can’t be wrong.
Yard sale at my place. Come buy the Newton’s cradle that cost two cats their very lives. Buy it you monsters.
I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HUNDRED OF METERS UNDER THE SEA, THERE IS A LIVING BEING THAT IS LITERALLY JUST A FLOATING BUTT
IT’S CALLED THE PIGBUTT WORM I JUST SHOWED IT TO MY PARENTS I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE
Hundred meters under the sea scientists have discovered
"All birds are either pigeons or parrots to me, you know what I mean?"
I nearly drove us into a ditch.
Shout-outs to all the fans who did nothing for me while I was stuck in a hot car. Thanks to you, the #Hot car saga name is ruined. It’s worthless to me now. Feel free to use it to post about your own vehicular entrapment from now on. You deserve it.
I don’t know the street value of a Sirius radio, but I want to take this moment to thank Kia for including a sticker to let thieves know there’s more than air fresheners and Calvin Harris CDs in this car.